It's time to get real... It's time to get personal... It's time!


Hi Everyone,

Have you ever fallen out of love? You don’t really notice it do you…one day something will happen that ‘should’ affect you and you ‘should’ feel something as it happens and you don’t…then you think to yourself.. Hmmm that’s ok, and then the thought floats away as if it never happened?

Well that’s what happened to me…I fell out of love with blogging!

What’s been happening?
Life, life has been happening for me lately… now before I go on any further into my own life I am just speaking from the heart here, it’s not something I do on this at all, I didn’t feel it was any part of my blog to be discussing my personal life as let’s face it it has nothing to do with my ability to use a gel liner or whether or not a foundation sits on my face properly after 8 hours of wear.

Tonight however as I sit here (Bank Holiday Monday night) I decided I need to map some stuff out for myself.

I had an operation a couple of weeks ago, it’s not a grand scale op but it was huge for me. I’ve never been in a hospital bed before that wasn’t in an outpatient clinic for an appointment or a bed in A&E while you wait for a doctor to see you, this time however I had to be admitted, I had to wear the gown, I had to be put to sleep and they had to make not one but three incisions. I wasn’t even aware of that fact until the morning of the operation as I had been so up in a heap about being put to sleep. My biggest concern was would I wake up in the middle of the operation, I’m sure it’s a totally natural fear but after the operation I thought I was going to need two days bed rest and back to work not a bother. I was WRONG!! My body and mind felt attacked, I couldn’t even get out of bed to shower until the Saturday so it was a miserable week by all accounts.

In the midst of this we were moving out of our apartment, this has been so stressful we are handing back our keys on Thursdays and almost sorted thank god and huge thanks to J for all his hard work because what had to happen.. I had almost two weeks off work there over Easter huge plans t be all organised and then I was caught up in another chest infection/head cold saga I am still not 100% clear of yet. I mean come on my 3rd set of steroids and antibiotics another €90 spent on something I’ve been struggling with since January.

I mean this post so far is miserable but you can see from all that it's not surprising blogging wasn’t on my mind lately. I tried to do these flashback series and they only got me more down about things. I felt at times like sadness from Inside Out. I love that film, anyone with kids or anyone who just wants a little life lesson should watch that film. At the start sadness is just that, basically ruining every bit of joy there is in life and that’s how I’ve felt the last while but as always in a Disney Pixar kinda way there’s a life lesson at the end and I feel I am now in that stage of being sadness. I don’t want to give it all away but sure look I would hate to think I am a person who radiates negativity, drags people down with me so I do what I always do when I’m sad and keep to myself. I like my own company when I’m down, I don’t bottle things up I’ll talk to who I need to talk to and I’ll share what needs to be shared in a way of building myself back up but blogging was literally the last thing on my mind and as a result now I am miles behind.
The love was gone and right now I can’t say for 100% if it’s back or not!

Why did I ever start this?
I asked myself this question so often lately. Why did I ever sign up to do this and want to be a part of the blogging community? The honest answer was I was moving to Dublin I wanted to make new friends and my love of makeup and learning to do my own makeup was thriving in my life. I was paying for lessons, I was attending masterclasses and I wanted to be really good. I was chatting non-stop to my friends about all these new skills and shopping list wants I had so they suggested I write it all down. I followed some bloggers but I hadn’t a clue how it worked. You pick it up over time, you build connections, you build an audience and you start to feel a part of something. That’s all amazing, the days when the doorbell rings and it’s Mr Postman with a package of ‘free stuff’ your heart skips a beat, you rip it out of the packaging lash it on and then after some time you write your thoughts on it. But what happens now when I’ve a pile of stuff there and some I’ve tried some I haven’t had a chance…the guilt! That bloody blogger guilt. You panic because you know things cost money, you know that you’ve built this great relationship up based on the fact that the company or brand like your style of writing that they want to hear your thoughts and they want their product promoted. This is the awful situation I’ve been in lately, a brief post on social media and then radio silence I need to fix this. I am never paid to write, nothing is ever sponsored on my blog and to be very straight things like my hair in Zinc, My nails in Elaine's Beauty and my Brows in LuluBelleBeauty are always paid for by me. I spread the love of these 3 places because I always get looked after, the owners are phenomenal women and I happily spend my wages in their salons. 

The blogger mail is only one part of my blog though or at least it should be, what happened to me ‘mastering my makeup’ what happened to my lessons, my masterclasses my interest in learning and then showcasing what I’ve learned? Not a whole lot! I got so caught up in events and reviews that with a full time job, a boyfriend family and friends I didn’t leave myself practice time so why would I even follow me?

There’s a new ‘squad’ doing the rounds on social media at the moment and I am loving each and every one of them. These women (who by the way I mean absolutely no disrespect to by calling them a squad christ I wanna be in their squad) are professionals whose skills are out of this world. I sit on my phone or ipad every evening and watch their snapchat stories, I admire their ability to sit with a mirror and their phone and create these masterpiece looks on their faces. I can sit in front of a mirror with hundreds of euros worth of products around me and still my face looks the same, it looks shite. It is so rare that I get a good makeup day that when I do I’ll post it everywhere. These women are also supporting each other, shoutouts, tags imitations of each others fantastics looks and then they share clients pics and I think to myself if I won the lotto I'd just pay them to do my makeup all the time so I could look as good as them. See still not even thinking that if I won the lotto they could train me to be as good!

That’s why I don’t talk on snapchat…I mean what have I got to say? I don’t feel I’m in any way up to the standard of these amazing women so why would people watch me attempt my face? This is the type of feelings I’ve been having lately I am 100% doubting every skill I thought I had so this needs to change. For anyone wondering who these fantastic women are trust me you are following them already but I will leave their Snapchat names just in case you aren’t following them. It’s not just makeup artists I am loving but the empowering makeup business women out there. There feels like there is a huge supportive network going on at the minute and I really want to be a part of that. I love sharing people’s details, boosting people up and thankfully now with the moving house I should be able to financially support some of these amazing women by purchasing some of their products. Anyway as I said I’ll leave these wonderful people at the end but I need to decide what is it I’m going to do…the big question has been will I quit blogging?

What do I want to see happen?

Snapchat….My username is killing me, I set it up without thinking of the blog so it’s @emmjcs it’s annoying because I don’t really want it to do with my personal life but I think I will have to get over that or start again. The highest number of people watching my snaps is getting really close to 300 so maybe by the end of 2016 it would be great to see 500 watching as I think it’s time I break the silence and literally speak on snapchat if I have something worth saying that it.  

My product reviews will be updated and then slowed down. I have such a backlog at the moment I don’t want companies to think I have forgotten about them but I might have to condense some posts into favourites or categorise them and then try and only post a review weekly.

I think I would like to continue with my flashback series to showcase some of the classes and people I have worked with but I want this to only lead to more makeup lessons by myself or taken from other people.

I just want to feel good again about makeup. I have worked really hard for my wages in my full time job and I have spent a fortune buying the best and now it’s time to really focus on my practice and in time I’m sure I’ll feel better. I’m all for the ‘thick skin’ mentality branded about with bloggers putting themselves out there but if nasty stuff gets said to you I can only imagine the hurt it causes. Sometimes it’s almost easier to just back away from it all and not risk it but this year is not to be messed with. I am 30 in January so this is my year to make a change in more than one aspect of my life. Health is your wealth they say and I think they are right, I am starting to look at all things in my life to bring about more peace and positivity in my life.

Makeup can make you feel beautiful but if you head or your heart are hurting a concealer palette can’t mask that for too long! I have been very lucky to meet some wonderful ladies and gents throughout my blogging and I am close to reaching 6000 likes on Facebook launching two massive competitions across my social media platforms real soon. I want things to change, to feel better and to feel that I can do this again.

I just want to thank you for taking the time to read this, it’s possibly the most personal post I’ve ever written and I wasn’t even sure where it was going when I started. I’m not sure what else to say only I do hope if you’ve been following me you’ll continue to do so. We’re all only human and sometimes things just get a little too tough. If you have any suggestions of courses or people I should go to for a lesson then please do get in touch with me, I feel I need to refresh and get some new skills. Thanks again for reading this, It’s deffo time I head to bed it’s back to work tomorrow after all!

My snapchat loves at the min, It's no particular order but once I see a story of these ladies I'll always click in for a nose :) There are loads more but to be fair I could stalk snapchat for hours and watch everyone's stories. 

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  1. Great post hun, its real and from the heart. We all love you and here's another one with the blogger guilt that drawer is overloading lol. We will be grand we will get there.

  2. Emma, beautiful heartfelt post, hoping you are on the mend? & good luck with the move. Your a beautiful girl inside & outside, your style of blogging is truthful & honest. Life gets in the way and that is something you shouldn't feel guilty about. You'll be back stronger then ever now that you have put feelings down to paper & I look forward to hearing/ reading a lot more from you. xx

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  4. Ah Emma, so heartfelt, take the time you need, I love reading your posts ❤️

  5. Amazing piece! So lovely, heartfelt, genuine! Keep going! You are amazing!

  6. Emma, Thanks for being so honest! I love your blogging style, I have just started blogging myself and find you so inspiring. Everyone loses their mojo from time to time, take however long you need to sort everything else out and then I'm sure you will fall back in love with blogging again. I can really relate - turning 30 in September and I have been rethinking a lot of lifestyle choices. What I will say is that if you do decide to leave blogging you will be dearly missed - I love seeing that you have a new post and will always take on board the reviews you write. Best of luck with everything in the future - lots of love xx

    1. Thank you so much for your message I hope you're loving blogging x

  7. Emma
    You are a super blogger and fuck it life gets hectic sometimes and you have to priortise ! Blogging is something you should enjoy so take some time for yourself if you need it and all your followers and supporters will be right here waiting for you !